On resiliency

Tomorrow I head in to meet yet another doc--this appt will be to determine whether or not I'll actually need radiation on top of everything else. Because the Onc and Surgical Onc differ on this point, they've sent me to someone else as a tie-breaker. Even though I believe (given the path report) that my odds of surviving 10 years is greater than 85% at this point (and the Surg Onc says that radiation will provide only another 5%), I'll most likely go with the radiation if it's recommended. I continue to be concerned with the quality of life issues raised by radiation, though. Mostly, this is an increase in pain due to the expander remaining in longer as well as cosmetic reasons--which face it, are an important quality of life issue to some people, me included.

I didn't sit down to write much about this, though. In terms of talking about how cancer has affected my family, I generally only talk about the little one. He's at the age where he's not supposed to be as verbal as he is (see the previous entry about my "genius" younger son, LOL), but he does continue to push limits and act out in response to these changes. Obviously, this is normal for his age and this trauma. 

But the biggest little, V--I honestly expected he'd fall apart. Don't get me wrong, he definitely pushes limits (and certainly did during my hospital stays), but...he's remarkably empathetic and such a good listener. He constantly helps with all the things at home, independently and in school? He's in the top of his class!

At the beginning of the year, he had to come up with a goal for himself (and Neil and I had to come up with a goal as well). This was in the early stages of my diagnosis and before treatment started. My (unstated) goal was to make it through his Kindergarten year--just to survive to see it. But both stated goals were the same: We all (independently) wanted to see Vaughn learn to read by the end of his kindergarten year. We live in a very poor district--60%+ students receive free/reduced lunch (this is the standard by which school districts are judged as impoverished). He is in a class that has 24 other students, most of which came into kindergarten only speaking limited English. And this week? This week he started reading books on his own. Despite all the challenges of the year, despite the high needs and high numbers in his class, my son learned to read! We laid in bed and Neil and I listened to him patiently sound out every word and read the sentences by himself--oh how we beamed and praised!

The next day, V turned to me as he was getting ready to go to school and said, "Ya know...last night, I was so proud I almost cried."

Me too, kiddo. Me too.