The importance of friendships

Some of you might not know this about me, but I'm a pretty big extrovert. Not just in the way that I'm loud, boisterous, etc., but in how I "fill my cup". When I'm overwhelmed or have expended a lot of energy, I need to have interactions with others. Quiet reflection and Mary are not friends--and certainly not now.

Sounds good in theory, but not so much in practice. Mostly because it's rarely quiet and it's pretty filthy. 

So the first recovery period was hard on me both physically and emotionally. The second and unexpected recovery was the hardest yet. Not in terms of pain, but more in terms of solitude. I have been reluctant to reach out to others for fear that people would get sick of my whining. I continue to beat the odds in all the wrong ways and I'm not even sure a soap opera would buy my story--it'd likely be labeled as too unbelievable. 

There's been some legit reasons for my self-imposed isolation: it's tough to hang out when you're doped up on pain meds and sick from chemo; it's difficult to go out in the community when you've got drains in; and honestly--we're in Minnesota. No one sees much of anyone during the frigidly cold months.

An extra tauntaun would be nice in case we need to unexpectedly camp...

But I got sick of my own pity party. I called friends and forced myself to get out into the world and visit with people. I left the cities for the first time since October (huge deal--we used to travel a lot!). 

I realized something last week. Neil and I aren't blessed with having a lot of family, super close. But we are blessed with an awesome bunch of friends who care and support us. I spoke with a friend last week in a similar no-fam-around situation. While some might see this as a curse, I'm choosing to see it differently. This gives us the luxury of building our own supportive, awesome network of collaboration. We've been pretty scared and isolative for much of the last 6 months--which is totally me. I wanted to try to give Neil and the boys as much time with me as possible, just in case I died. I realize now that was wrong. I needed to reach out and accept what you all were offering--your friendship, companionship, listening ears, a drink, a laugh--whatever. 

So, as we roll into the summer, I hope to see much more of all of you. I've always known you guys were important to me, but wish I would've realized exactly how important your friendships are to my healing process before I got so low. 

Thanks so much for your patience and understanding! I can't wait to get back into the groove of seeing you guys more often.

<3,
~M