Night before

It's the night before I head into surgery. It's surreal to sit here, just a few hours away. I'm both ready and not ready for this.

I'm ready to be rid of cancer. I'm ready to get it out and truly begin healing. I'm ready to be on to the next step in the recovery process.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to my treacherous breast. Despite the fact that it tried to kill me, I'm sad to say goodbye. I am sad about saying goodbye to the future things as well--most likely done with having and nursing children. I'm sad about how my body will look. Despite having one of the best reconstructive surgeons in the nation, it will never be the same. I'm sad at not being able to lift and hug my family for the next month. I'm not ready for the huge surgery and the pain that's coming.

Through all of this, Neil and I continue to be overwhelmed by the generosity and care of others. We are humbled. Another big thank you to all of you for your continued love and care.